solitude

i realized that i have to change for the better... my life has been a mess after the incident last year. i lost a lot of things. i tried to start a new life, but i believe that i'm not on the right path... i need a break, i need time for myself, i need time to think.

i've made decisions that will change my life. i left my job in the call center and decided to concentrate on the things that i love doing... a friend told me that i should do what i love not love what i do... i realized that he is right. i gave myself time to analyze the whole situation and decided to just take the risk. people think that it was rather impulsive but for me it was having the courage to take the first step...it's going to be tough, but i'm used to that. i know i can make it.

i went to boracay for a retreat. i'm tried to find myself. and i did. i told myself that when i get back to manila, i'll be a different person. a more responsible me.

i finally let go of all the frustrations, the pain, the things that are bothering me everyday and focus on something more meaningful... focus on my goals in life.

for the past few months, all i've been focusing on is relationships. waiting for him to find me. but then life will always be unfair. and it is something i must learn to accept. there will always be times where you meet someone who is almost perfect but then you realize that it was just not meant to be. then you'll to wait again for the next big break and sooner or later you just realize that your back to that empty place. a dark cold room where you are alone by yourself.

i've decided to let go of the fear of going back to that place. i've been there long enough. there won't be anything new. it sad but i have to deal with it. but i will never lose hope.

i am here in Manila now. i know i've changed. i have to start a new life. i have to end this sorta fairytale. i cannot say that it is a happy ending but i've learned a lot. who knows... maybe someday it will become a real fairytale after all. but for now, i have to live a new life. a life where i will just look at the things around me, deal with the things that are happening and enjoy life. i'll be expecting the worst and hoping for the best.

for me, this is like sunset. it will be dark after a few minutes. only the moon and the stars will give light to the world. everyone will be resting, it will be silent, but at least there is still hope knowing that tomorrow will be a brand new day. now, i'll just stare at the sun hide slowly under the horizon, think of the things that happened and just breathe... (myownsymphony.blogspot.com)

to a particular person: i've learned i lot from you, and i'm thankful that you came into my life. things might not end way we want it to but i have no regrets. you will always have a place in my heart. you are special to me, and you know that. let's just see what will happen... but whatever the conclusion is... you will always be my friend. right now, i'm not closing any door, but i'm not waiting either. i'll just go with the flow.