thrill seeker

it happened one night... i cant remember the exact date and time, just the feeling.

he told me he lost the thrill, he's not interested anymore. i felt pressure in my chest, i was hurt.

i know that he's been in this situation, and i wanna tell him that he's doing a great job on the other side. but i don't want him to pity me though... i've been hurt a lot of times. i know i can move on.

maybe it's just the idea of losing someone again that i'm afraid of. if ever that happens, this one's gonna hurt like hell...

i wanted to tell him a lot of things that moment. but i just don't know where to start. he told me i freaked him out. sounds funny to me, honestly because the reasons he was giving me were not valid. i don't know. i felt like he never really appreciated the things that i did. he never found out that it was not the Tori Amos CD that i thought was special, it was the chocolate... it was not the idea of not finishing my lunch to pick him up the steps, it was the 13th floor, the place where i took him after i finished lunch. these things make me laugh sometimes because he never thought of it... after the first week he was not in the pedestal anymore. i treated him normally. he never realized that. it's too late now... i'll just have to let that go. i'm ok now.

we decided to continue what we're having. just wait and see where it will take us. i don't know if i should slowly start to let go now... or should i hang on?

i have to stop thinking.

only time can tell... that's what his best friend told me. i guess there's still hope. but for now, i need to concentrate on other things. i have a life.